Losers' Point of View

...and "MARRIAGE" ?

2011-08-22T12:41:00.000-07:00

Things have got to change some day. When teenage is a difficult age to be in, I would say, for an Indian girl from an average family the minute she turns 20(Thank god for that !) till she gets married,is the most difficult time in her life. I don't even want to go into the details of when she turns 24 because next comes 25 !!! All hell's loose by then. Especially in the south western costal state called Kerala. The very touchy subject of marriage runs on a completely different zone.Unfortunately no matter how educated the state is the pressure on an unmarried 24 year old girl is beyond the explanation of any human science or psychology. .

Being a post graduate student in one of the most so called leading institution in India idid think the situation here is sort of beyond control,initially. The pressure every student here goes through is pitiable,not that it is going to be of any use in the future.But when you come to think of it, this does not even remotely come close to the pressure you face from your home in the form of phone calls and threatening disclosure of names and occupations such as 'Girish the Graphic designer, Suresh the engineer, Ganesh the doctor, Sumesh the NRI etc..'

Every phone call from home whether it be the mother, the aunty, or the other aunty (thankfully not father) sounds like a threat to your freedom. All this while those strong wings you grew behind your back is under attack all of a sudden and sans mercy that too. You have got to get married at all cost before you are 25, and here are some of the petty reasons " oh my god..you've started putting on weight" "you'll have wrinkels very soon" "do you have plans to run away?" ..and goes on the reasons..adding to it the other unfortunate facts such as ..height(too much /too less) skin tone (too fair/too dark/too wheatish/too much brown/coffee brown..etc..) skin type(oily/dry/pimply/pokes and marks etc)hair,butt,bust..like this goes on the list,and may god save her if she says no to two proposal here is the next question to which she is answerable to the entire unhappy family .."who is it..?"

What should be taken into consideration here is the dying self esteem,drowning morals growing insecurity and a complete lack of confidence ..and may god save her again if she is looking forward to a happy married life and she is rejected more than once due to the above mentioned reasons and many other lame reasons.

The most unfortunate situation for an unmarried 24 year old girl is when she ends up at other marriages or any other function for that reason all dolled up and under extreme compulsion from mom."a..nd marriage?" the one bugging question that every ..how should i put it..sadist souls..would like to recieve an answer to. As if there are no other people in the function, as if there isnt any other question they would like to here an answer.

Why just functions..even social networking sites are proving to be more than just depressing..its horrifying.

Every other day a friend gets engaged/married..you dont even have the liberty to post a comment at her wedding pics..kaboom!!..comes the obvious question straight away.."..and so..when's yours?"

Some how every one you know seems to be joblessly prying onto your "poor/how sad" unmarried life

Let me put this subtlety,give her time, give her space, do not put her under undue pressure and unwanted circumstances,the trauma of which is bound to give her all the wrinkles in the world.

Indian women age early..Duh!! I believe this is the sole reason,where it all begins.

you miss...

2011-08-22T11:58:00.001-07:00

To those who are away from home and alone, the kinds who are not used to Saturday night partying or just hanging out with friends at odd timing('coz the friends that you do all that crazy stuff with is not around, might be the reason.. perhaps), mostly your thought process revolves around the ones not with you. The close ones, best friends, boy friends or just mom and dad. I mentioned only ' boy friends' because this is exclusively coming from a girls point of you and boys can choose not to read this. You wee away time watching some stupid romcoms or some season of friends for the millionth time, then at a point your brains draw a blank you sit staring at your computer screen missing people one after the other; and then you end up comparing who you the miss most.. as surprising as it may sound..it is your best friend who you miss the most.
The ones you can have the best silent conversation with, is by all means definitely not your boyfriend.. because he finds it rather difficult to comprehend things when you speak out loud..forget him trying to do that when you are silent. Enter 'missing the best friend' part..all those times you had, doing mundane things,discussing and bitching and silly fashion shows in your dingy room, whose hands you don't need to hold to show care, to whom you don't need to ask questions like " did have anything sweety (this word is subjected to change as per the regional language and sometimes to languages one can't quite make out) " or "did you sleep well" or some such silly questions to prove your love and worth, hours and hours together and you never get tired of knowing each other. Suddenly you are away and this person is just not there and you are physically and mentally unable to take the next step, there's this dent being carved into you and you have no idea how to cover it up. This friend who you can not call for days together and one fine day call up and talk as if you've been talking for hours everyday, ever tried doing that with your boyfriend? Try it ! Miss one day in a week to call him, the next day you call.. and here's how the conversation goes :

" H"i followed by a pause.."what you doing?"followed by a pause.".am just..you know"..followed by longer pauses.."i just missed you so i called you"..pause.."you busy"..pause.".ok then il call you later... maybe.".pause"
and all this while you get to hear in return..monosyllabic words like ya..mmm..ok...ya..mmm...
Its sad..for a minute you pity yourself..and then close your eyes and let go saying.."it's k...he must be busy and tired"
and then the only thing that could cheer you up is to call up your best friend..(sometimes irrespective of gender,the other gender can be quite impatient at times..but no offense) and just simply be you and talk like crazy with what ever balance is left in your phone. Once you hang up ..you just can't help being secretly proud of yourself for being owned by a friend like this and you just can't help missing this person more.

It's a pity you can't fall in love with( as in 'love' love) or marry your best friend.. it's either weird..or you'll have to reconsider your sexuality.

She told her daughter...

2011-08-02T13:56:00.000-07:00

They both are always there in front of the campus gate,every morning and every evening,not one day passes by without any of the students noticing them but doing nothing more than pitying. A representative from life of the downtrodden in the society is living itself out in front of one of the most affluent educational institution in the country. There is nothing that could be done and there is nothing being done.
I did no think any different from the rest of them, I thought with them,the students of parents belonging to all classes of the society,stopping at the middle class.
Every morning when she comes begging for arms in front of me with this one year old child on her hip, all i thought was 'she's healthy enough to work and earn a living, why can't she do something for herself and that child?'and because I have sensible friends around me,there is a constant warning 'do not encourage them.' Thanks to "Slumdog MIllionaire" now we know its a mafia,a previously unknown rather "neglected due to ignorance" fact.
Today wasn't any different, except I was moved to see that little child being fondled and caressed by one of the student from the institution. That little child, I would never take her in my arms i thought, I wondered when she bathed last, when she even washed her face,forget bathe. I wondered why her mother never bothered to wipe off that mucus off her face, those dried tears,now forming a path way on her face like a dried river. I wondered was that mother blind or was this a sympathy generating technique she enjoyed resorting to. Neverthless the image in front of me was heart warming, the student din't want to let go off the baby,the baby was lost in self merry in the students clean and warm arms.
Her mother came by to call her after her first round of collection, I know the collection did not amount to buy one square meal a day,it was in the middle of the lunch break. I know I had the money to buy me a tea (cost cutting being the motto of the season),but she did not have the money to buy that child anything,yet she called out to her baby,the girl reluctantly let go of her new found friend and ran to her mom,yearning to go back but this is what she told her daughter to stop her from going back, ..."ivar ellam studentsu namma pichakaru"( they are students,we are beggars),how much of it the little child understood is irrelevant here.
It was at my face...and it went right through my soul.